11 Step Program for Those Thinking of Having Kids

Saw it, loved it ... before having kids I would have thought 'oh, parents... they are so overdramatic!' But this is pretty much dead on!! But I am LOVING it - Jaiden is such a happy baby!! However, we are in TANTRUM zone ... approaching terrible two's only ten months early! But read and enjoy :)

Lesson 1

1. Go to the grocery store.

2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.

3. Go home.

4. Pick up the paper.

5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2

Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...

1. Methods of discipline.

2. Lack of patience.

3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.

4. Allowing their children to run wild.

5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.

Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3

A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...

1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)

2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.

3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.

4. Set the alarm for 3AM.

5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.

6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.

7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.

8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.

9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)

Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4

Can you stand the mess children make? T o find out...

1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.

2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.

3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.

4. Then rub them on the clean walls.

5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.

6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5

Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.

1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.

2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.

Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6

Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.

1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.

Leave it there.

2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.

3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.

4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7

Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8

1. Hollow out a melon.

2. Make a small hole in the side.

3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.

4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.

5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.

6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Lesson 9

Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10

Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11

Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

Love,
Dada & Mama J

Christmas Cards? Go to Shutterfly

Looking for beautiful X-Mas or Holiday cards? Don't want to worry about spending tons of money or finding the time to do it yourself ... well check out Shutterfly's Holiday Card Collection

I have used Shutterfly for over five years now -- making everything from photo books to wall calendars. Some of the most cherished items I made were cards -- for grandparents on mother's/father's day to birthday cards for loved ones. Every year I send out Christmas Cards that let everyone know what we have been up to. This year was a BIG one because it was Jaiden's first year of life. Shutterfly has a folded holiday card that lets you put up to five pictures and captions. This is going to be perfect to let friends and family know all about Jaiden's BIG year. Shutterfly really makes the process as simple as possible -- I have made cards in less than five minutes! Let's talk quality ... they are perfection! I was unsure the first time I had something printed, but from then on I have never used anyone besides them!!

This year I plan on using these to do our family X-Mas cards and bloggers check this out: 50 free holiday cards from Shutterfly!!

http://blog.shutterfly.com/5358/holiday2010-blog-submission-form/


Love,
Dada & Mama J

First Birthday Photoshoot Video!!

Click HERE to see Jaiden's First Birthday Photo shoot video... only online until November 14th!!

The wonderful Melissa Stottmann took Jaiden's newborn and six month pictures and we went back to her for his one year pictures as well. We did them about three weeks early so that they could be printed and framed for his BIG First Birthday Party on November 20th!

Love,
Dada & Mama J

BUSY!!!

I feel like we are always on the GO!! Since we got back from Charleston we have been to Baltimore (mom got her first night out!!!), Brigantine to visit with family and North Jersey to visit friends!

We also found a venue for our wedding reception as well as a NEW apartment in Rutherford, NJ. We are set to move in TWO days and we have done little packing. I am trying to focus on bringing the BIG items and come back for the rest. We will be going back and forth for a while until I find a job and then we will live there full time. But Jaiden still has his Gymboree and swimming classes here in West Deptford, so we will be back for those!

After we are moved in I will start focusing on Jaiden's FIRST Birthday party on November 20th (I don't know where the last year has gone and I can't believe how big he is getting.)

So between moving, planning my June 4th wedding, Maid of Honor duties for my sisters wedding just two months after mine, helping with two of my other friend's wedding (bridesmaid in one), Jaiden's birthday planning, trying to find a job and oh yah, raising Jaiden ...I would say that life is going to be BUSY for awhile!! In fact, I do not see life slowing down until maybe retirement!! I feel so blessed to have all these happy occasions to celebrate and am completely in love with my life :)


Love,
Dada & Mama J

Charleston or Bust!

We are all packed (well mostly) and I am ready for BED as we will be getting up at 1:30am to leave for Charleston, SC. It is a 12 hour drive ... or it would have been if we didn't have a 10month old ... so I would assume, 13-14!!!!! We have some friends to visit down there but my Uncle Bill and two cousins live there and we are staying in their cottage. I am very excited for Jaiden to meet my cousins as they are closer to his age than mine (Alana - 7, Ben - 3.)

I will update with pictures and stories when we return next week! Say a prayer for a safe trip and my sanity on that kind of a car ride!!

Love,
Dada & Mama J

Afternoon at the Park

We had quite a busy weekend -- trips to Target, IKEA, went swimming , took walks and ventured to the park! I just want to share with you some pictures of our trip to the park!



When did he he start looking like a little boy and no longer a baby?

HAPPY 10 Months Sweet Baby Boy!!

Love,
Dada & Mama J

Gymboree!

Jaiden trying to reach out and 'catch' the bubbles!!

Jaiden has so much playing at Family Fun Day that we signed him up for classes this fall!

Yesterday was Jaiden's first Gymboree class at Riverwinds Community Center. It was for babies ages 6 -16 months! There were five other kiddies in the class, but only one other that was close to Jaiden's age. There were two baby babies, only about 6months. Then two other kids that were probably 14-15 months old.

He loved it!! We climbed over different tunnels, banged on a drum, danced and sang songs, played with musical instruments, went 'tubing', played with bubbles and got to play in a parachute! Hopefully every week is as fun!

Unfortunetly, we will not be there next week because we will be in Charleston on a family vacation but we will have six more classes on Thursday's after that. And the best part is that J gets to come and spend time with Jaiden during his lunch break!!


Love,
Dada & Mama J